What to do when you’re in the Dog House…

doghouse39

We’ve all been there before, that inevitable moment that occurs in every relationship when that special someone is mad at you. I get it, I’m not going to judge. Maybe you were in the zone talking and you’re mouth  moved faster than your brain when you made that forbidden ‘weight comment’,or  you forgot a special date you were supposed to go on, or you neglected their needs for too long, or your eyes may have lingered a bit too long at that daisy duke wearing waitress. Whatever relationship crime you committed, the result was the same: The Dog House.

Now for those of you who have had a miraculously perfect existence, you might ask, “Ray, what’s the Dog House?”

The Dog House  is that 2 -3 day dead zone that occurs in the relationship where your significant other minimizes contact with you  for your own personal safety and so you have time to reflect on how big a piece of $hit you are.

In this 2-3 day stretch there will be no sex, no eye contact, and any text communication responses will be limited to one to three words only. For example :

Boyfriend- “How was your day baby?”

Girlfriend-” Cool.”

Boyfriend-“You wanna do something?”

Girlfriend-“Not tonight.”

Boyfriend-“I miss you.”

Girlfriend-“Thanks.”

Now do not be discouraged, your significant other still loves you, otherwise they would have just broken up with you. But if you have been in the Dog House for more than 3 days, they may just be banking on you dying there.

But for the rest of us we need to realize the Dog House is more about  your significant other reminding you that even though they are with you, they still have a standard of self love and respect for themselves. And when we forget to meet that standard there are consequences.

So here you are in the Dog House, what should you do till your sentence is up? I made a quick productive list to help you past the time. And yes, women too can be put in the Dog House, so feel free to use this advice as well.

1.See some old buddies.

This is the most common past time of all Dog House residents. The Dog House is sort of like the neighborhood bar, when you go there there is always somebody you know in there too! So crack open a beer, pull up a seat, and share with each other about how much you screwed up.

Bar
“Brian got kicked out too. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!!”

2. Go to the gym, or at least go outside.

Do not be caught in self pity. Although you might feel like you are in a prison, you are not. So take a shower, and be outside, go for a walk, feed some birds, hit the gym. Those endorphin’s will help you keep positive and productive. That’s what people in prison do anyway.

3.Practice your apology.

Me personally, I always find that taking a bit of  Jerry Maguire  and mixing it with a bit of Denzel Washington Training Day works. You’re words should be honest, respectful, loving, and sweet. But your presence and attitude should still be strong. Nobody wants to be with somebody who turns to a weak hot mess in just 3 days.

You..Complete..ME!
You..Complete..ME!

4. Get yourself together.

The most important thing about being in the Dog House is that you get time to do some soul searching and be honest with yourself. Take some time alone and think about what you can actually work on. And commit to it.

5. Buy your spouse a pizza.

Heart-shaped-pizza-shot

Look, it was invented in Italy, it is a romantic place. And if they knew the affect it would have on American women, they would have charged more for it. No matter how pissed someone is at you, some fantastic pizza is a good way to make amends.  Forget asking to meet over a cup of coffee (she might still be mad and burn you in the face with it), get her a deep dish with her favorite toppings and a garun-DAMN-tee she will be happy to see you, she may not show it, but she’ll let you know by devouring it.

When you get out the Dog House appreciate it, do not take your spouse for granted, because you both had a “Get out off the relationship” opportunity there and neither of you used it. So you  both hopefully acquired a new appreciation for each other. And if you are going to be checking out other people, at least wear some sunglasses and be subtle about it.

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